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Here is your daily dose of comedy jokes – Daily Dose of Comedy Jokes!
  • “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.”

“I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn’t play any Seventies music. At first, I was afraid. Oh, I was petrified.”

  • Stewart Francis’
  • “Why can’t we have racism that’s ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, ‘Those Chinese people, they can fly! You know about the Puerto Ricans… they’re made of candy!'”
    • Louis CK
  • A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’
  • Ronnie Barker
  • “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.”
  • Mitch Hedberg
  • “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.”
  • Mitch Hedberg
  • “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
  • Jerry Seinfeld
  • A big girl came up to me after a show and said, ‘I think you’re fatist.’ I said, ‘No, no. I think you’re fattest.’
  • Jimmy Carr
  • My father always used to say, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ Until the accident.
  • Jimmy Carr
  • Ronnie Corbett: “Do you think marriage is a lottery?”

Ronnie Barker: “No. With a lottery, you do have a slight chance.”

  • The Two Ronnies
  • I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying, ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details.’
  • Milton Jones
  • A man walked into the doctor. He said, ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places.’ The doctor said, ‘Well don’t go there anymore.’
  • Tommy Cooper
  • A woman told her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor said, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman said, ‘I want a second o ‘The doctor says, ‘OK, you’re ugly as well.’
  • Tommy Cooper
  • Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken. Which is what gave me the courage to do it.

Emo Philips

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